A Chinese Wedding

   I was honored and touched to be invited to a co-worker's wedding. She had known me for all of two and a half weeks before she gave me an invitation, which she had kindly translated just for me into English. When I received the invitation I had no idea where it was or how I was going to get there but I should have known not to worry since the other teachers made sure to work out who would take me to the wedding in advance. The wedding was to take place at 12:08, since, in Chinese, the sound of the number eight ba is very close to the sound fa meaning fortune. Just as some believe that it is bad luck for a groom to see his wife in her wedding dress before the wedding there are certain things that are done at Chinese weddings. If you set the time of your wedding on the time of fortune hopefully it will carry over into your marriage. About one and a half hours before the set time I was picked up by a young teacher who took me to the wedding.
  We arrived at the building that was to hold the wedding, which is pictured above. Before I continue there are certain things that I need to clarify.
           1. Most Chinese couples have already been legally married and living together for several weeks or months before the actual wedding ceremony. In the United States we have the wedding and the signing of the certificate on the same day, since it is the completion of the ceremony where the couple is recognize as legally married by the United States Government. In China the legal part can only be completed in the offices of the Civil Affairs Bureau, where all the documentation and signing is done. So, the ceremony is not what legally marries a couple in China, it is just to inform the rest of society about their commitment. What then causes a couple to wait to have their wedding so long after they are legally wedded is that many hold their weddings on holidays so the entire family can attend. Since it is a holiday that means no one will be in the office to complete legal part, so after the ceremony the would not be legally married. Waiting has become a more common thing since they can get married, live as a married couple, and then have a ceremony when it is convenient. As I was looking up what exactly was involved in a Chinese marriage I found the marriage laws of China, which you can read if you go to this link (http://newyork.china-consulate.org/eng/lsqz/laws/t42222.htm). I found it very interesting for it has put into law such things as a woman right to keep her own name, responsibility for any children resulting from the marriage and the child's duty to care for the parents. Check it out if interested.
           2. I also want to point out that my experience has been with one wedding, there are over one billion people in China so one wedding does not describe every other wedding experience. This was mine, as a guest, but I will try to point out variations that could occur.
  Back to my story, after arriving we sat at one of the round tables (pictured below). On each table was a Lazy Susan on which many different dishes would be served. As it is a traditional Chinese meal certain custom are present such as one does not dish a plate of food for oneself. If you eat at such a meal you would use your chopsticks to take just a bite size amount and eat that directly from your chopsticks then take another bite from that dish or a different dish. That would mean that you would be literally sharing all the food dishes with everyone else at the table (sorry to all the germaphobes out there). The only time that you would dish your place of food not using the same chopsticks would be if you are sick. The plate is then pretty much their for any bones that you might need to spit out. (Although I describe this as a traditional way to eat food it is how most family eat as well as when families go to restaurants . . . pretty much the only time they do not eat like this is when they go to a western restaurant or they are trying to make the westerner feel welcomed, if then).

  On the Lazy Susan, in the direct center were wines/juices and cigarettes for those at that table. It would be a rude sign to the guests to not provide complimentary boxes of cigarettes. You can see the stack of boxes in the picture below. It was not unseemly for a guest to open up the pack and smoke a cigarette right at the dinner table. I was given a pack and told to take it even though I do not smoke; it was the party gift.

  A Chinese wedding normally takes place indoors at a restaurant. Where an American wedding would have a wedding ceremony at a church, outdoors, or even in front of a judge then they would move to a different location to a wedding reception. This is not the general case for Chinese weddings. The wedding ceremony and the reception are at the same location, this is in part do the lack of space and cost to have two different venues. Some do have their weddings outside and create a more western style but if it rains then there better be a plan B. Guests at a Chinese wedding get to eat while watching the ceremony take place, which was rather strange for me to experience. Before the wedding started guests were able to look at wedding pictures on a giant screen at one end of the hall. The wedding pictures are no joke in China, the bride is truly made to look her most stunning and goes through several different dresses during the photo shoot. I call it a photo shoot for that is really what it seems to entail. The location of the shoot is chosen specifically for the scenery that it offers. The wedding pictures cost quite a lot and they appear to be worthy of the pricing for they make the couple look like models in a wedding magazine.

  When the wedding started we had already been given several food dishes to eat from so we turned from our food to watch the entrance of the bride and groom. This was announced by a gentleman who was the host of the wedding. (For a Chinese wedding a professional host is hired to introduce the couple, he announces when they are saying their vows, and let everyone know what is happening and when.) So, he announced the couple and the groom appeared at the stage. He then walked toward his bride, who was waiting with her father. The groom collected his bride and they both walked towards the stage. They then had their ceremony. It was very different in that there was no one officiating the wedding, only the host (he was not a minister but he also spoke in Chinese so I am not sure exactly what he said). The ceremony also did not appear to have any religious elements to it at all. The wedding was more western and took western traditions which can make it somewhat religious but these religious meanings were not implied or touched on. They read their vows to each other, in that the bride told the groom his vows and he repeated it after her, which means that they each took on the role of the minister/judge for the other. They then proceeded to light a single candle from two different ones and overflow one cup so it could spread it into the different cups on each side it if via a metal tube located on each side of the cup. The parents of the couple were invited onto the stage where both fathers gave a speech. Thus the ceremony ended and the couple walked down the isle.
  Yet, all was not done for the now ceremonially married couple. Instead of a more western wedding where the guest find the bride and groom to wish them luck the bride and groom go to each table, drink a toast and thank the guests for attending their wedding. The toasting is done in a tiny shot glass and I was told that the groom has to have actual wine in his cup for each toast, the bride can cheat and drink something else if she wants. So after about twenty tables I am sure that groom was feeling pretty good.

  Here (below) is the bride and groom having their glasses refill to toast the next table. I want to point out that during this entire time new dishes of food were still being brought to the table. Those at my table informed me that the more seafood served at a wedding the better the wedding is said to be and I would say that this wedding would be considered a good wedding.

  The rest of the wedding was more a reception where the bride and groom went from table to table then sat down and for their own meals. However, there was a large difference in that the host, that I mentioned above, had activities planned where the winner would receive a prize. They would play a song and have the guests guess what it was. They had one activity were they invited couples up to the stage and had them act out songs together, the winner got a very large teddy bear (see picture below, the host is to the far right in the picture holding the mic). Another activity was who could find a tie and a pair of heel from other guest at the wedding first. There were even activities especially for the children so they felt included and entertained.

  After going to a Chinese wedding I felt like it was more focused on the comfort of the guest, the bride and groom saw it as a great honor that you would come to their wedding and wanted to make it a fun and comfortable event. Which can be different from western weddings, at least some of the ones I have been to, where the guests are kept waiting, sometimes past the selected time and the focus is more on making the day super special for the bride and groom instead of the bride and groom making it as good an experience for the guests as they can. It presented a very different atmosphere than a western wedding, it also made it a rather louder affair. So I now end my tale for that was my experience of a Chinese wedding.